The Man in the Arena and Other Thoughts..

This was probably the worst Sundays I have ever experienced in a very very long time.. I’m not going to get into the reasons because that would mean using the blog as a Dear Diary and I want to try to avoid doing that as far as possible.. The world is not interested in my sappy stories, right? Anyway, so let me instead try the thing where I use writing as a means to lay out my myriad thoughts one by one in an attempt to deconstruct the mesh in my head. A Pensieve sounds fancier than a Dear Diary, eh? 🙂

[Thought 1]

Today was one of those days where I realized how unpredictable life is. Not that I didn’t know that before, but sometimes things happen that make the brutal reality of the situation take over your whole existence like an avalanche. Makes me wonder why the universe is designed in this way, though. Why is it that perfect moments seem to end so quickly whereas the worse phases seem to linger on forever?! Why is it that just when we have taken out our Lazy-boy and decided that we deserve to rest for a measly five minutes, we are called to the war-front all over again? Now don’t give me the crap about learning to appreciate the good while it lasts! Just for today, I am tired of being grateful and learning to smell the roses and counting my blessings. It sounds very Oprah-like and I don’t like her! 😛

[Thought 2]

Expectations. They say, if you want to learn to be happy, lower your expectations. In a disturbing way, that is true, especially of people. We expect from people we care about the most. We expect them to make us part of their life. We expect them to understand us and be there for us without being told. We expect them to stand up for us, to support us and to love us even when we are at our worst. But very few people are lucky enough to get someone who matches these expectations. Which is where all the problems arise. Of course, the easiest thing to do is to just be yourself and let others be themselves too. Accept people for who they really are instead of making them match the mould you have created in your mind about that relationship.

The same goes with life. I remember this TED talk I heard by Sir Ken Robinson where he says that we need to dis-enthrall ourselves from the natural order of things in order to really bring about a change. So true, right! Breaking away from the patterns we have created in our minds is the only way to allow new ones to take their place. But why is it that the sanest solutions are always the hardest to implement?

[Thought 3]

How many of you believe that we are always given signs which let us know whether we are on the right path or not? A dear friend and I were talking about it once- she was about to make a very big move from place A to place B and was in two minds about it. And somehow since the past few weeks, random things just kept falling into place in B and falling out of place in A – which was sort of a sign that it is indeed time to move. I have experienced that once before too.. Just one more element of mystery in the design of this universe, I say..

[Thought 4]

I was talking to this guy and he was telling me about the girl he is dating. He seemed to like her a lot. But in the course of our conversation about many things- he happened to mention how much he hates a particular profession, which coincidentally turned out to be her profession. Then he mentioned that he hates products of a particular company, which turns out to be the very same company she works for! I don’t think he realized this, but it kind of hit me in an odd way. I know your profession isn’t your life, but it does form a very large part of your day-to-day existence, right. In such a situation, how can you truly admire a person if you don’t respect their profession?! Imagine talking to your partner about his/her day at work while in your head you detest the amount of money he/she makes because of their stupid degree or because you think the work they do is not at all significant! Is that okay, or are my ideas a little too idealistic for the real world?! 🙂

[Thought 5]

This one has been bothering me for a few days now. I was playing chess with this person; and let me tell you, it is not a game I am very good at, simply because I have probably played it six times my entire life. Anyway, so I lost the two games I played with him and while he was teaching me what I did wrong, he told me he had understood “my game” in the first few moves I made. Two things he said – One, I am always waiting for the opponent to make their move and then trying to defend instead of attacking first. And sometimes in a game, offense is the best defense. Second, I never make my opponent think about what I am trying to do. Now I don’t want to swear by this guy’s analysis of my game-playing skills, but what he said somehow made me wonder about whether I incorporate the same strategies in life too? If yes, then there are some drastic changes I need to make.. I have always loved this quote by Theodore Roosevelt – “It is not the critic who counts. It is not the man who sits and points out how the doer of deeds could have done things better and how he falls and stumbles. The credit goes to the man in the arena whose face is marred with dust and blood and sweat. But when he’s in the arena, at best he wins,and at worst he loses, but when he fails, when he loses, he does so daring greatly.” Am I this Man in the Arena…?

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When a lonely bird walked the sands of (what is now) Wyoming, 125 million years ago, he did not know that his seemingly insignificant parakeet-like foot prints would one day be an exhibit in one of the largest museums of natural history in the world; and people would be staring at the piece of metamorphosed rock he once walked on, enclosed in a glass box, with confused amazement. The foot-long bird was probably only trying to understand how to be strong enough to survive in a world of dinosaurs.

Jupiter is up there in the Solar System with his 63 (source: Siri) / 64 (source: Wiki) / 66 (source: astronomer in Cal Academy of Sciences) moons, trying to make sure they all exist as one happy family. Little does he know that every day actual living people on a planet called Earth, not too far away from where he is, are looking at him through some ancient asteroid-like telescope, amazed at the fact that they can see not one, but four of his moons at the same time!

The point being – the world is an unfathomable, highly-randomized, yet probabilistic experiment which we mortals think is controlled, but no one has been able to provide evidence to that effect yet. In a place of such realities which we cannot even perceive, who is to say where the tiny experiments we run on a day-to-day basis will take us?

Ten years down the line, I could own a famous patisserie/cafe in downtown Manhattan..
I could also have my own travel show on Discovery, where I get paid to travel where I want and take a thousand pictures a day..
One day, some publishing guy could read this blog and think that I am decently talented enough to write a book that is NOT about a conservative girl from a small town in India, who learns the ways of the world in the big bad city (which seems to be a recurring theme among first-time female Indian authors)..
Or maybe one day I could finally get to do research on the psychological complexities of the brain which make people do what they do and behave the way they behave..
And finally, I could get to give a talk at a TED conference…

On a day that is singularly significant because it’s my birthday, who is stopping me from wishing for one of these wishes to come true, as I blow the candles on my cake?

The world is highly randomized, after all…..and I aced my Design of Experiments course… :):)

Happy Birthday to Me !! 🙂

The Tale of the Juju

It all started when my cousin told me about ten years ago about how wishing on a sardarji brings you good luck. We were sitting in the Mumbai local train, when she saw a sardarji uncle enter the train with his family- she instantly turned to me with her index and middle finger interlocked and in all the seriousness of a sixteen year old, asked me to tap on her head thrice and “release” the lock! Were turbaned, paratha-eating, big-hearted Punjabi gentlemen around when the east-Africans invented this “sacred ritual” while dancing around a holy pyre in the wee hours of a full moon night chanting “Obala obala….!!” Who knows! But for my sister, this was the best and only form of juju she knew!

I, as it turns out, am an even bigger juju-believing junkie than she is, because I took the story a step further. Don’t laugh, because this is important. So, there is one really sweet-looking, small-built sardarji who always wears a red turban and lives somewhere close to where I stay in India. I saw him once, riding his cycle on a very busy intersection- I was returning home from a particularly terrible practical exam and like an obedient sister, did the tap-your-head-thrice-and-release-the-lock ritual! By some stroke of luck, I got an A in that exam! And just like that, he became my most favorite juju-sardarji uncle in the whole world! I see him very rarely, mind you, which only adds to the angel-like charm I feel for him. Over the years, there have been many such objects and people which have been delegated to a similar divine stature – a yellow UCB T-shirt I got as a gift (which I wore once during my entire board exams!), my mom (if I argued with her before leaving the house, my day went bad!), blue Scorpios (yes, those Mahindra SUV’s in India), shooting stars (I’ve only seen one till now, but it was so awesome that I almost forgot to wish!) and many other things! Friday, the 13th and wishing on fallen eyelashes were too common for me- what is special about discarded hair, right!

Before you dismiss me as a crazy fanatic, let me assure you that I do understand the science behind it – it is an extension of the placebo effect – a strong (even irrational) belief in something which causes the perception of a therapeutic reaction.The other aspect of it is that unlike a true scientific experiment, in such cases, one keeps record of only the hits and comfortably disregards the misses each time. But then again, who said I was trying to prove my theory using science? Trying to prove the juju is almost like dissing the juju in their face, and you never diss the juju!

Where do all these crazy beliefs come from? Why is it that we follow logic and reasoning to describe almost all phenomena around us, but still reserve some space in our minds for these superstitions? The fact is that we cannot use rationale to explain everything. The fact is that no matter how practical we may be, we still want to witness miracles every day…

Maybe my data will yield good results..
Maybe the interviewer will like my personality, even though I may not have the best experience..
Maybe there wasn’t a camera at that last traffic light..
Maybe he will finally stop pretending that he doesn’t care..

There is a very big divide between things we can and cannot control. Bad things do happen to good people. And sometimes, you can’t help but want to be a little bad, but still not have to pay for it. And while the nice, grown-up thing to do is to learn to accept things we cannot change, it is never an easy thing to do! The kid in us wants to believe that maybe if we wish hard enough, we will get that toy. Sometimes we need that tiny push from within; sometimes we need to know that while all the odds may be against us, we still can hit the jackpot….if only we see that red sardarji on the cycle!

Find a penny, pick it up; and all day long, you’ll have good luck! 🙂

4 AM Miracle – Not !! :P

2:42 AM : Wake up – realize I slept off in the middle of a movie again, with the lights on and my visa documents sprawled across the bed under me – Dammit – not again!

2:44 AM : Tinge of guilt – people like me are responsible for the coal reserves depleting.. Ufff…

2:45 AM : Might as well check on the visa dates while I’m awake

2:47 AM : Yayyy !!! Showing 16th – finally! Let’s do this..

2:50 AM : Fill out details and hit Next – wait, where did Mumbai go?! Mumbai is not showing in the list of VFS centers !! Where did it go?!

2:51 AM : Re-enter info and now Mumbai showing but only 20th Dec available – what about the earlier dates!? – Kya ho raha hai yaar !!

2:55 AM : I should call the VFS people..

3:00 AM : On line with Mrs. Chattopadhyay on the VFS Hotline – No, I don’t know if her name is Mrs. Chattopadhyay, but she sounds Bonglo-bhashi.. 😛 Oh what the hell.. I like giving nicknames to people.. You know Eddy right- No? That’s my name for Edward Cullen – I think Eddy suits him better than Edward in any case.. 😛

[Random Thought 1]

Whenever I am speaking to like a customer care person in India, I never know whether to converse in Hindi or English.. I mean, there is a moment when the person says “Hello?” and I am actually thinking – do I reply with a “Hello” in the English-English accent or the Hindi-English accent?! I know they know English, but it’s this weird mentality that speaking Hindi might develop a feeling of comradeship with me and hence, maybe help me get my work done sooner! Weird, huh!

3:01 AM : I say “Hello!” with the Hindi-English accent finally.. Mrs. Chattopadhyay answers my questions, but that does not help a lot! Check VFS dates in front of her and now they show 15th open too- but no 16th and 19th! How did that happen?!

3:07 AM : Hang up the phone. Maybe I should write something.. Stare at blank screen for 10 minutes..

[Random Thought 2]

I wish I could concoct up random stories in the middle of the night- get inspiration from the rustling trees and the gushing winds and eerie moonlight and the soulful silences and allow my thoughts to flow miraculously through space and time and then, there’s one magical moment where everything comes together and a story is born.. – 4 AM miracle or whatever – but nope, doesn’t seem to be happening with me..

3:22 AM : Call up mom instead.. Crib about the stupid online system and how I should have chosen to go to Delhi instead !

[Random Thought 3]

I want to visit Delhi man – and hopefully see uncle-jis in monkey caps at weddings! 😛 

3:32 AM : Check VFS – Now showing 15th, 19th and 20th, but no 16th – Seriously! 

3:35 AM : Stare at screen again – Okay, I’m going to give this a shot – the night is beautiful and I should write.. 

So a guy in a train – mid 30’s, hot (of course!), staring out of the window, looks like the type of person who knows his destination but just for today, does not want to do the expected.. Towns swooshing by – Mellow Valley, Hicksville, Cripple Creek.. Train pulls into Reddick finally and slows down – guy contemplates getting down at the station..

[Random Thought 4]

I love the phrase “Delicious Ambiguity” – read it somewhere.. But has such a nice feel to it.. I should use that in my writing sometime..

3:45 AM : Nope, no thoughts after Reddick.. In any case, this is not a screenplay- I’m getting lost in the details! Forget it, this is not the night..

[Random Thought 5]

Remembered a conversation from a day ago where a friend told me that I was a serious person – Seriously?! I just called Edward, Eddy, – how can I be serious?! Just because I write about tanhayee and life and dreams and love and loss? That is the deep side of me, but I am fun-loving and random and crazy too..

3:52 AM : Need to be at work in 4 hours – going to be a long day – hopefully the bogie workload should level itself out with constant production, but does that make sense if we are storing sets instead? Do I need to add girder manpower to this? Should find out tomorrow..

3:56 AM : Christmas presents! I haven’t bought those yet !! So much work to do in five days..

3:55 AM : Hungry, yaar! Feel like white choc mocha.. 😦

3:56 AM : Dudeee, sleep !!

3:57 AM : Last try with VFS- anyway the center will close now, so no point trying until tomorrow!

3:58 AM : Nope, no 16th yet! Forget it, worst case- I’ll take an appointment for the 22nd, after Gau’s shaadi..

4:00 AM : Do I even post this crap I’ve been typing? Contemplate for a minute..

4:01 AM : Oh, what the hell – this could be my 4 AM non-miracle.. At least it shows I’m not serious all the time..

[Random Thought 5.1]

I am not a serious person! 😛

4:07 AM : Edit and format – (I like my articles! 😛) – and post!

4:10 AM : Laptop shut down, gudnite!

Breaking Dawn

Disclaimer: NO, this post has nothing to do with the Twilight movie- I saw it with my friends to make them happy and I think it is the most ridiculous movies of all time- two hours of unadulterated torture!

Real post begins now —->

Time: 5:50 AM- Day 1 of Thanksgiving Break
You think it’s ridiculous to be awake at this unearthly hour, especially when it’s a break- yes, I do too. But this is one in a series of awkward nights I have been having since the past week..
Tonight I got up with multiple dreams- one about some material deliveries being screwed up on the production floor at work, one about saying good-bye to a friend who was leaving Davis for good and one about Thanksgiving two years ago amidst snow and Fall-colored maple leaves!
I left the light in my room on again – goodness, I’m dreading my PG&E bill this month!
I spent $300 on this IKEA bed – why can’t I sleep !!

Anyway, no work today, so I get up, make myself a cup of white choc mocha and open my laptop.. Email checked, Facebook checked, blog updates by friends checked, NPR news checked.. Apparently, Sharad Pawar was slapped today by a Sikh guy today at some function in Delhi- it’s all over the news and Facebook and the guy is being applauded by one and all. Agreed that someone like Mr. Pawar completely deserves being treated like this- he is one of the most corrupt officials the Indian government has ever seen. But is slapping him in public going to make him control the rising prices of agricultural produce in India? No. Is he going to feel guilty and confess all his crimes to the police? Definitely not. Harvinder Singh vented out his frustration, but the result of that is a Maharashtra bandh tomorrow- go figure! It, infact, takes all the attention away from the real issues that need to be tackled and gives these politicians reason to make a mountain out of a molehill..

Talking of mountains, this Kolaveri Di song is turning out to be quite a rage in the country- I’m amazed by the amount of jokes and caricatures that people have come up with already. To be honest, it is quite an addictive song- I can totally imagine it being a hit on drunken night-outs with college friends. The Indian audience is so unpredictable- on one day, the top favorite is a song with lyrics as beautiful as- “jo bhi main, kehna chahoon, barbaad kare alfaaz mere” and the next week, “white-u skin girl-u girl-u, girl-u heart-u black-u” is rocking the charts.. Click this link for a hilarious Kolaveri 101 run-down.. While we’re on music, I have to say- I absolutely love Mohit Chauhan- I think he has the most soulful and romantic voices I’ve ever heard!

It’s weird how our work influences all other aspects of our life too. I remember, when I was doing an internship with Price Chopper (it’s a grocery store in upstate NY, like a fancier Walmart), I always called fruits and vegetables “produce” because that’s how they were classified in the warehouse. I’m a scheduler now and I just realized that every time anyone says one week, I instantly think 5 days because that’s what we use in our day-to-day calculations.. It’s not a bad thing, of course.. I love the fact that some part of my brain is always thinking about projects at work and how to handle them etc.

The seasons are changing here so fast! There was hardly a Fall and it’s Winter already. It is lightly raining outside and there are leaves all over the road- in shades of green, red and yellow- they look so beautiful! I love the holidays and the festivities associated with them- there are times when I don’t like them as much, but I still love them for the most part. Diwali, Christmas and Thanksgiving are my favorites and I cannot even choose which one I like better! Festivals to me are about lights, gifts, good food, friends and family, traditions and togetherness.

I remember, last year, this time, I was in RIT preparing for my thesis defense! Time really flies! Yesterday, two of my friends “celebrated” their pre-wedding anniversary which means that they are getting married on this day, next year! On that note, two of my best friends would be married by this time next month! Time is flying at the speed of light !! What would I be doing this time next year?!

I saw this image one day and it really formed an impression on my mind. I think I think too much! 😛 I should stop thinking and start doing. These intermittent sleepless nights have forced me to really outline the things I am doing wrong in life and what I need to change. I think I have come up with a few contenders and have taken up two projects which I hope will help me better the current situation. Let’s see how they go..

Okay, so I know I just said I’m not going to think too much anymore- but one last thought- I was talking to a friend about loneliness the other day- this girl has the most amazing lifestyle ever- a great job that she loves, a very active social life, the opportunity to pursue her passions, friends, interests that keep her motivated, financial stability- nothing terribly wrong on the face of it- and still she told me that she leads a very lonely life. Is it possible to have people around you who care about you and still feel lonely? If loneliness is a state of mind, then it probably never goes away, regardless of where you are. People compare their lives in India and the US and say that the lifestyle in the US is very lonely. But if you’re staying away from your family in India, isn’t that the same as living 3000 miles away, at least on a day-to-day basis? Yes, you’d be in the same time and geographical zone which does make communication a lot easier, but maybe it would still be a lonely existence…

Ohh I just realized today is Thanksgiving- maybe I should sign-off with a few things I am thankful for, in the spirit of the season..

For one, I am thankful for the people in my life currently- believe me, I know what being lonely is, and it is not fun. And I have come a long way from that. So yes, as I always say, people matter and I am thankful for the ones in my life.
I am thankful for great bosses- no, my boss doesn’t know I blog, but again, I have had my share of bad bosses and so I am genuinely thankful for being blessed with a brilliant one this time around!
I am thankful for change, when it is needed. And I am thankful for things staying the same when we seek comfort in the familiar.
And I am thankful for Mohit Chauhan.. :):)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! 🙂

I…

…want to feel pure adrenaline!
…want to jump off a plane at 15,000 feet and experience free falling to the earth!
…want to see a shooting star!
…want to really, really, really laugh!
…want to really, really, really cry!
…want to tell someone my crazy life ambitions!
…want to fulfill one of my crazy life ambitions!
..want to find something that I love so much, it even keeps me awake at night! Somehow Anu’s words have never stop ringing in my mind for seven years now!
…want to go back to kick-boxing!
…want to take a wrong turn somewhere and discover a completely new, untouched, pristine land!
…want to get back my 4 AM friend!
…want to stop putting on a brave and smiley face all the time! I remember this famous line in a musical- flowers wilt, apples rot, thieves get rich and saints get shot and God don’t answer all our prayers a lot.. 😛 Hell, that’s true and I know life goes on, but that doesn’t mean I cannot sulk about it! 😛
…want to use a lot of swear words.. 😛 I know that’s not me, but I still want to do it.. 😛
…want life to imitate a Hindi film!
…want to believe that keeping the faith works..
..want to learn how to live alone- 3 years with roommates and I’ve seriously forgotten how to enjoy my own company!
…want to read a book in one entire sitting!
…want to live a day without a cellphone!
…want to break eggs or throw oranges or yell real loud or punch someone real hard!
…want to go to London!
…want to feel the goosebumps on my skin just before a performance on stage! It’s been over a year!
…want to lie down under the sky and watch the stars (maybe I’ll do that tonight.. :))
…want to work on a lathe or milling machine!
…want to go into a bubble- nothing else exists!
…want to feel total control!
…want to work super-hard!
…want to see a miracle happen!
…want to eat fondue!
…want to land up at the airport and take a flight to a random place!
…want someone to believe in me!
…want a pet cat!
…want to make plans!
…want to feel inspired!



Stromboli

Disclaimer: This post is named Stromboli because it’s lunch time and I’m hungry and I am craving Stromboli.. This post is not even remotely related to food. This post is not about anything actually. I’ve just been having a very confused past few days and I’m trying to string my thoughts together because I’ve always been better at writing than speaking.. Having said that, my thoughts are so tangled right now that I don’t think even writing them down point-wise is really going to help me- but it’s my blog, so what the hell- I’m still going to give it a shot.. I apologize in advance for the random post- something more concrete in a few days- I promise.. 🙂


[Thought 1]

Have you ever felt like there is so much to do in life and so little time? Like not in terms of long-term, well-defined goals per se, but just things you want to do. I read blogs of random people at times, and some of them are very open about what their dreams are- some want to learn French, some want to reach the base camp of the Himalayas, some want to sky-dive or write a book or open a start-up venture.. I have such goals too, but it’s just that I’m not very vocal about them. But one thing I’ve always wondered is- it’s very easy, no let’s rephrase that- it’s easier to write or define things you want to accomplish at certain stages of your life. But very few actually follow them through and reach a stage where they can successfully strike them off their list. What distinguishes these people from the rest, who just make a list and store it in a keepsake box and then open it a few years down the line and lament about how time has flown by..? Is it mere talent? Nah, can’t be that simple- Talent is useful in terms of achieving your full-blown life goals in your profession or family or social life. But in most cases, these goals take up so much of your time and energy that the other less-significant, personal, yet important items get sidetracked. I think most of it is about motivation- the will to practice and persist until you succeed. But then again, motivation can be internal or external- for some people, their inner fire is so strong that no amount of resistance can stop them. Others need people to push them. Like in the case of writing- as G correctly pointed out- it’s easier to write when you have interesting people around you to talk with because a lot of these conversations actually generate ideas.. Again, with internal motivation- it stems from how the society around you has been- have you always been pushed to give everything a shot without fearing failure or have you always been asked to test the waters before jumping? In the case of external motivation, it’s all about being at the right place at the right time.. I can go on about this, but the idea is that a full-blown FMEA can be done on what distinguishes the achievers from the regulars. But in all it’s veracity (;)), it is also nearly impossible to develop a set model for these kind of habitual achievers. This whole concept scares me because of the uncertainty associated with it. How many items am I going to be able to cross off my list? What if the mundane concerns of day-to-day life completely take over these crazy ambitions?


[Thought 2]

Choices. Since the time philosophy was invented, pseudo-smart and consciously verbose people have professed about how the choices we make define the path of our lives. The thing about choices is that sometimes the right thing to do can be very different from what you want to do. Like you have two paths to choose from- A and B. A is the path of least resistance- logical, safe, more than 40% chance of success, possibility of pleasing more than 60% people. Those are good odds. But A is just blah- it’s not what you want from your life, it doesn’t excite you, you know that a small part of your brain would probably regret it always. B on the other hand is how you have always wanted it to be- you know that if this works, then it’s a jackpot- but there is no way of knowing if it will work or not. And sometimes, time is not on your side. What do you do? Still give B a shot? Or go with A and then try to convince yourself to find the excitement and inspiration in it? Maybe things take a turn and you realize eventually that A was the right thing to do after all. But it’s a gamble.. Okay, I’m not battling with such dramatic issues in life, but every decision you take is a miniature version of this problem- A or B, safe or risky, normal or exciting? Stupid philosophers wasted time in writing those crappy quotes- thoda time solution ko define karne mein invest karte toh the world would be an easier place.. 😛


[Thought 3]

So I was thinking about the weirdest quotes from Hindi movies that I remember and somehow the following one from Maine Pyaar Kiya always is the first one to pop up- This was after Mohnish Behl sees Salman Khan and Bhagyashree in his party together- so imagine the scene- All three are drenched in rain (can’t remember why it was raining, actually maybe they’re just sweating..), Mohnish is angry- I think he was trying to lootofy the izzat of Bhagyashree and of course, Sallu bhai is the knight in shining armor.. So woman is crying in a corner, hero is wild with fury and villain is insulted but also glad to have proven a point.. The dialogue goes- “Prem, ek ladka aur ladki kabhi dost nahi ban sakte. Yeh toh parda hai parda.. Kapkapati raaton mein dhadakte hue dilon ki tadapti hui aag ko bujhane ka…chupaane ka..

Waah waah- kya dialogue hai! Don’t ask me why I remember it so well though- I wish I knew! 😛

Another dialogue that is my all time favorite is from Kal Ho Na Ho- “Hasna hai toh Rohit, rona hai toh Rohit, magar pyaar karna hai toh kisi aur se.. It’s not going to work anymore, Naina..” Hmmm the plight of being stuck in the “friend” zone… 😛

[Thought 4]

Have you ever met a person who has challenged you more than anyone ever has? So you meet them and get to know them and every time, there is a new facet to their personality that amazes you and frustrates you at the same time- you wish you could be like them, but you also know that you could never be like them.. I can’t spell out the feeling correctly, but I hope you get the point.. I have always been very good at understanding people but characters like these are so difficult to sort out..

[Thought 5]

I really feel like doing something impulsive. It’s been so long since I’ve just done something in the moment, just because I felt like it !! 😦 Maybe I should ask G to get that liquid nitrogen from his lab.. 😛

[Thought 6]

Sometimes I wish I could behave or act like a typical girl, just for a few hours- I don’t know exactly what that means, but that’s why it’s a random thought.. 😛

I don’t exactly feel sorted right now, but can I please have some Stromboli?